


Heat Of The Moment

by glitched_innie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotionally Repressed, M/M, Memories, Pain, Repressed Memories, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 15:28:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6289924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitched_innie/pseuds/glitched_innie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel remembers it all. And it fucking hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heat Of The Moment

_I never meant to be so bad to you_

_One thing I said that I would never do_

Gabriel remembered when he first met Sam. He was just a Trickster then, another monster in the endless thread their life was. He hadn’t intended to try and kill Dean but when he hunter came onto him with a stake he had to do something to protect himself. Angel or not, those things hurt like hell. The Mystery Spot was a necessity, though it pained Gabriel to see how Sam looked at Dean, knowing that his brother will die once again and he can’t do anything to stop it. He wanted to stop, to get him out of the loop but there was nothing else he could do to make them learn their lesson.

_One look from you and I would fall from grace_

_And that would wipe this smile right from my face_

The first time Sam properly looked at Gabriel was back in that abandoned whatever they trapped him in holy oil. He had admitted to being something the Winchesters hadn’t expected to have to deal with. Sam’s eyes have widened and they never left Gabriel’s golden ones. It was tearing them both apart that they just couldn’t get along but it would be logical for Sam to hate him after all the bad he had done. Gabriel, The Trickster, the man who always had something to laugh about, was staring at the ground with a frown permanently stuck to his face. If only Sam knew the things Gabriel was ready to do for him because the damn boy had to be beautiful enough to make the angel fall in love with him. And boy, did he fall hard.

_Do you remember when we used to dance_

_And incidence arose from circumstance_

Gabriel often visited Sam in his dreams. Of course he had to be very subtle and never made himself the main character. He just stood in the back, admiring Sam as he dreamed of dancing with Jess. He was still in love with her and Gabriel could nothing to change that. He felt the pain, he couldn’t escape it no matter how much he tried, though he blamed himself for loving Sam. When he was alone he would close his eyes and imagine dancing with the Winchester, his head rested against Sam’s chest, whose nose was buried in hair. He would feel the hunter’s breath against his ear, whispering sweet nothings as his hands pulled him closer and then they would rest at the small of his back, rubbing soothing circles. It was a perfect illusion to hide how heartbroken Gabriel really was.

_One thing lead to another, we were young_

_And we would scream together songs unsung_

Sam was alone in the Impala, driving to wherever. The radio was put on full volume and it blasted something his brother was sure to love. Despite not really liking this music Sam tapped his finger to the rhythm. Gabriel wasn’t the one to rush to help people but when his human was sad he felt an obligation to be there and comfort him. The angel used a technique he had learned from Castiel and made himself unnoticeable. Sam couldn’t see him, not when he thought Gabriel was dead. So he sat next to the Winchester through the whole ride, occasionally putting his hand over Sam’s whitened knuckles on the steering wheel. Tracing the hunter’s jaw with his finger, letting his hand rest on Sam’s thigh, comforting him. The ghost touches sent a shiver up the man’s spine though he had to admit that they felt rather nice and warm and, dare to say, safe. So Sam let them comfort him, relaxing and even singing along to the radio. Gabriel sung along with Sam and even though the boy couldn’t hear him it felt like they were together again, happy. The soft hum slowly turned into screaming out the lyrics and a grin grew on Sam’s face. And once the Winchester was happy, Gabriel called it a mission accomplished and left.

_And now you find yourself in ‘82_

_The disco hot-spots hold no charm for you_

Gabe made it his primary mission to protect Sam and make him happy. So every night he would fly in and sit on Sam’s bed, projecting dreams into his head. Sometimes funny and sometimes adventurous, sometimes romantic but never dangerous or sad. He was the one helping Sam to sleep and shutting out Lucifer for the night. It was hard but he managed because it was Sam.

_You can’t concern yourself with bigger things_

_You catch the pearl and ride the dragon’s wings_

Slowly Gabriel learned what Sam liked. What books he preferred, which movies he thought were boring and so on. So he decided to experiment and make a Harry Potter themed dream for Sam. He would fight mythical dragons and live his life with no worries about monsters and angels. But as always Dean had to burst into Sam’s room and wake him up for a hunt. Gabriel, being extremely pissed, had switched the sugar and the salt and had waited for Dean to put salt in his coffee.

_And when your looks are gone and you’re alone_

_How many nights you sit beside the phone?_

One thing Gabriel didn’t know about the hunter was that he never actually stopped loving the archangel. Yes, he buried it deep and didn’t let it show but it was always there and he never forgave himself for being a coward never making a move while Gabe was alive. Every night he would stay up a few extra minutes, staring out of the window, hoping to hear the quiet rustle of the three pairs of golden wings, to see those whiskey eyes again and to be able to kiss those plump lips for the first time. But that never happened.

_What were the things you wanted for yourself?_

_Teenage ambitions you remember well_

Sam finally decided it was a good idea to stop hunting. He left his brother on good terms, agreeing that Castiel would be of much better use than he ever was. So he got his own apartment and set his mind on finding Gabriel. After all those years he never quite settled on the idea that the angel is really dead. He travelled the whole world, always looking over his shoulder in hopes to see the golden eyes. And they were always there, Sam just had to look over the other shoulder. Gabriel was always pushing Sam away by making some lady offer him job as a lawyer or getting him to walking into a man who was offering people to continue their college education. He didn’t want Sam to waste his time looking for him. But the boy didn’t get the hints.

_'Cause it was the heat of the moment_

_Telling me what your heart meant_

_The heat of the moment shone in your eyes_

Of course it wasn’t until Sam was on a deathbed that he realized that Gabriel was gone for good. And the last thing he did was let a single tear slip down his cheek.


End file.
